I started this blog over a year ago, when Harvard Law was more of a concept than reality. I thought I would be able to publish a post a week. I thought I would be able to see the institution from an outsider’s eyes. I thought that I would be able to remain connected to everyone who helped me get to this point in my life.
What happened? Lack of time is the usual suspect, and that certainly was a big part of my failure to continue writing this blog. However, that is neither an entirely satisfactory nor honest answer.
The more honest truth is that I lacked the emotional energy. This past year has been overwhelming in many great ways and also in debilitating ones. In addition, it is easy to write about places and experiences from the perspective of a tourist, taking in the sights for the first time. It is harder to write about the place where you live. I might find myself resisting a lot of what Harvard stands for, but I am by no means an outsider anymore.
Nonetheless, I am picking up my pen again. As a law student/student lawyer, I find myself using words to help advance the interests of others on a daily basis, yet I miss the sensation of using the pen on my own behalf, to express and process my own thoughts and experiences. I have been so busy being a law student that I have not left time for being a human.
This blog may be a self-indulgence, but please feel free to join in.
Tuesday, September 23rd may sound like an unassuming date, but a lot can be packed into one small square on a calendar. Today is the first full day of autumn (following a late night autumnal equinox on Monday) and also the first day I walked home shivering in the late afternoon sunlight. It is National Voter Registration Day, and the three week anniversary of my thus far exhilarating and exhausting academic adventure at Harvard Law.
It is also Bisexual Visibility Day.
I have always been a private person when it comes to sexuality. As a child, I abhorred being asked about my crushes, both real and celebrity. I did not want to have to admit that I found Revenge of the Sith-era Hayden Christensen dashing despite his sometimes questionable acting choices, or that I spent a good deal of my childhood confused about whether I wanted to date Jeremy Sumpter’s Peter Pan or be Peter Pan himself. When I finally realized that I liked women as well, I had no desire to share this information with anyone outside of the queer community, not out of shame or confusion or even fear of anyone’s reaction, but just out of a basic desire for privacy.*
Unfortunately, privacy is not a luxury that I can afford. I spent the first twenty years of my life paying the steep psychological price of society’s collective silence concerning bisexuality, and I cannot allow myself to perpetuate the same silence that almost destroyed me. Continue reading “Embracing VisiBility”
“Welcome to the Class of 2017!” the tinny voice emanating from my phone was exclaiming. I was barely listening. My brain was still stuck on the first part of the message, the part where the woman leaving this congratulatory message had said that she was from the United States’ (and maybe the world’s)
second best law school.
“Mom, I got into Harvard,” I said out loud, although I was not yet sure that it was true. Did I mishear the name of the school? The caller did have a Boston area code and the woman on my voicemail was definitely welcoming me to something, so this wasn’t a rejection or a wait list call, but my synapses were not firing all that well. I definitely could have misheard. Continue reading “An Unexpected Journey”